


Simon Snow & the Surprise Tattoo

by confessionsofachocoholic



Series: Carry On Countdown - 2019 [1]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: COC - 2019, COC - 2019 - DAY 3: Magickal Creatures, Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), Carry On Countdown - 2019, Domestic Fluff, Dragons - kinda??, Drunken tattoos, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humour, I SHOULD BE ASLEEP!!, Inappropriate Humor, Magical Tattoos, Multi, Platonic Bed-sharing, SPOILERS BOOK 2 - WAYWARD SON, attempted humour, don't be like these dumbarses - don't get drunken tattoos, drunken imbeciles, friendship fluff, haha I'm a potty mouth - go ahead and sue me, here just pry this dumpster fire garbage fic from my twitching fingers and judge me..., idk..., irresponsible drinking???, wayward son spoilers, wayyy more swearing than was strictly necessary… but that's just how I roll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:34:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21582313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/confessionsofachocoholic/pseuds/confessionsofachocoholic
Summary: Simon and Shepard return to Simon and Penny's flat drunk and with more things than they left with…
Relationships: Penelope Bunce & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Shepard & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Carry On Countdown - 2019 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1555441
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2019





	Simon Snow & the Surprise Tattoo

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second work for the Carry On Countdown 2019! I'm so pumped guys!😆

Shepard

Simon and I are in massive trouble, but because it’s the kind of trouble that grants us a lecture from Penelope Bunce – Baz is crossing his arms, occasionally chiming in to emphasise how “reckless” our behaviour is – neither of us really gives a damn. And in comparison to most of the shenanigans this lot have gotten themselves into, I’d say coming home a bit drunk in the early hours of the morning is pretty mild.

“Pen, what’s the big deal?” Simon slurs, confusedly.

 _“The big deal is that when you change your plans, you should fucking tell your friends!”_ Okay so maybe Penny has a point…

“Sure thing, _mum_.” Simon retorts, childishly.

“Hey!” Baz scolds. “You don’t get to talk back to Penelope like that!”

“Whatever.” Simon scoffs, rolling his eyes.

“Could you maybe be at least a bit mature about this, Snow?”

“Could you maybe not be a stuffy Pratt about this, _Tyrannus_?”

“You stop that now, you little _gremlin!_ ” Baz looks like he wants to scream in frustration.

“Or what?” Simon taunts. “You’ll spank me?”

Simon

Okay, so maybe I shouldn’t have said that…

“ _Simon,_ ” Pen chides, “I do _not_ need to know about your weird kinks!”

“Right,” Baz says, sternly, “off to bed with you.”

“But I don’t wanna get up!” I whine, stubbornly.

“Well you can’t just stay on the sofa.” Baz huffs.

“So carry me.”

“Absolutely not!”

_“Please!”_

“Stop trying to manipulate me into doing your bidding.” Baz warns. “It won’t work.”

“Pretty please, darling?” I plead, clasping my hands together and pouting at my boyfriend with puppy-dog eyes.

_“Snow.”_

I whimper sadly in an attempt to get my way.

“Fine,” Baz throws his hands up in exasperation, “ _fine_ , I’ll carry you! Just _stop_ making that pitiful noise!”

 _“Yay!”_ I cheer, as Baz scoops my legs up with one arm and wraps the other around my waist. I curl my arms loosely around his neck as he hoists me up with his super strength.

Baz

Simon Snow is a pain in the arse and it only makes my love for him grow; obviously there’s something _very_ wrong with me, but that’s nothing new.

I lay him down on his bed and he pulls the covers back about to curl up under them fully dressed.

“Alister Crowley, Snow, at least take your shoes off.”

“Can’t,” he grumbles, “too blurry.”

“I’ll get them for you.”

Simon hums a little noise of agreement so I start unlacing his boots and sliding them off his feet. When I’m done he lets his tail uncoil from where he usually keeps it tangled around his waist then tucks his knees up and under his chest, resting on his front. His breathing has slowed and his tail swishes gently and he just… looks so peaceful.

“You’re so gorgeous, Simon Snow,” I sigh, wistfully, “there’s no one else like you.”

“No, you.” I jump so suddenly when Snow speaks that I’m surprised I don’t project into the ceiling.

“Crowley’s cock, Snow, I thought you were asleep! You scared the ever-loving fuck out of me!”

“Nah,” he slurs, “’M still awake…”

“You sound completely knackered, love.”

“Uh-huh… but my arse hurts…” Shit, of course he’s fucking injured. Fucking fuck.

“Do you know _why_ , Simon?” The question makes him peer up at me with half lidded unfocused eyes.

“Yeah,” his eyebrows furrow adorably, “I got a tattoo…”

Penelope

“ _Snow, keep your pants on.”_ The way Baz bellows from Simon’s room shakes me from my chamomile tea-induced daze.

Shepard’s eyes meet mine and he must see the confusion on my face because he says nonchalantly, “Simon and I might have visited a tattoo parlour at some point…”

_“You did what?”_

_“Hush, Bunce!”_ Baz whispers, exiting Simon’s room.

 _“Baz,”_ I hiss quietly, _“those drunken imbeciles went into a godforsaken tattoo parlour.”_

“Hey!” Shepard protests. “I’ve sobered-up now!”

“Shush, the baby is sleeping.” I say.

“Is ‘ _the baby’_ meant to be Simon, Bunce?” Baz asks.

“Obviously…” I roll my eyes.

“Does that make you the ‘Mom-friend’?” Shepard muses.

“Well, _someone_ has to be a responsible adult around here.” I shoot back.

_“Ahem.”_

“I didn’t mean _you_ , Basil. Although you could certainly stand to work on your communication skills.”

“Penelope Bunce is really out here serving out these burns tonight.” Shepard deadpans.

“Be careful, Bunce, I’m flammable.” Baz drawls, sitting on the armrest of my squishy sitting-chair.

“Mm, sure.” I push my glasses up on my forehead, scrunching my eyes closed and rubbing them before opening them anew to view my surroundings as if they were a watercolour painting.

Baz

“Tired, Bunce?”

She squints up at me and nods before covering her mouth to yawn. I slide off the armrest of her chair and offer her a hand up.

“C’mon then…” I say.

Penelope takes my hand and I pull her up, guiding her to her lamp-lit room.

Bunce wriggles around and adjusts her covers to get comfortable, whilst I shuffle around the room trying to gather my things.

“What’re you doing?” Bunce murmurs, leaning up on one elbow to glance sleepily at me.

“I’m getting my stuff to go back to Fiona’s flat.” I answer with my hands on my hips, frowning at the mess of papers from our research earlier this evening.

 _“Ugh!”_ Penelope groans, collapsing back on the bed with a thud. “Basil,” she whines, “just stay here, it’s past one in the morning…”

“And wherever shall I sleep?”

“Here.” Penelope pats the large space next to her on her double bed.

“You sure?” I ask.

“Of course. It’s not like we haven’t shared a bed before.” She’s right, during our erratic road trip across a small section of America.

“Alright then,” I say, slipping under the covers alongside Penelope, “Goodnight, Bunce.”

“Night, Basil.”

***

Penelope

I am jolted back to consciousness in the later hours of the morning by a distraught scream from the bathroom.

_“Why the fuck is there a tiny dragon on my arse?!”_

**Author's Note:**

> Hey if you'd like to check out my other work for the COC 2019, check out [my Tumblr!](https://disclosuresofachocoholic.tumblr.com/post/189279796154/carry-on-countdown-2019-day-1-sunmoon-please)


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